Posted by: robinsonwarner | July 19, 2008

An Honest Slow Dance

A slow dance comes on at the middle school dance; it is the last song of the night.  It is 10 pm and magic is in the air.


Trevor:  Hey Angie, would you like to dance with me?


Angela:  Sure, Trevor.  But I’m only doing this because I feel badly for you.  Plus the cute boy I really like is dancing with that slut Stacy.

Trevor:  I completely understand.  I heard Stacy let Josh feel her up after gym the other day.


Angela:  Yes and I’m sure her sexually experimental ways will make her a hot commodity among upperclassmen once she goes to high school.

Trevor:  Agreed.  Well, I asked you to dance because you’re one of the only girls in our grade who has boobs and was nice enough to oblige me this one dance.


Angela:  I’m well aware.  The unabashed two and a half inch erection that is pressing into my bell bottom jeans is proving that point quite nicely.


Trevor:  Haha, I get it.  Point.


Angela: What?


Trevor:  Never mind. 


The song continues slowly as the two thirteen year olds rock back and forth to the rhythm.


Trevor:  Just for reference my penis is three and half inches actually, I measured the other day.


Angela:  The balls don’t count.


Trevor:  Right.


Angela:  ….I love this song by Aerosmith.


Trevor:  I secretly love this song as well and know every word but I can’t tell my guy friends otherwise they might call me “gay”.  This is the worst insult you can receive from a male friend which really is a telling commentary on the deep seated homophobia endemic in male social circles.


Angela:  Yes.  I also saw that you have a Hanson album in your backpack.


Trevor:  It’s my cross to bear.  Please tell no one.

Angela:  I’m going to tell everyone.  I will be on America Online telling everyone about your secret and your embarrassing, unprovoked erection immediately following this dance.


Trevor:   Of course.  What is your screen name again?


Angela:  I had to change it because you kept asking me to “cyber”.  I’m not going to tell you again, Trevor.


Trevor:  I’m sure you’ve blocked my screen name, Luvs2Bone69, on the new one?


Angela:  Yes.


Trevor:  Naturally.  So have you ever made out before?


Angela:  Of course.  I’m a naturally attractive thirteen year old girl who has developed boobs at a young age.  I’m quite popular with the eighth graders and even some ninth graders.  Have you ever made out?


Trevor:  Once, with tongue.


Angela:  I heard from Jenny that you were horrible.  She said you may have chipped one of her teeth.  And also, eating your mom’s garlic cream soup for dinner before playing Truth or Dare at Mike’s house didn’t help.


Trevor:  This is a truly devastating social faux pas.  I will most likely cry about this later to my Sailor Moon doll before bed, but not before looking at naked pictures of Pamela Anderson I found on the internet.


Angela:  Ah yes, of course.  I secretly envy the liberal sexual practices of Pamela Anderson as I am a sexually repressed Roman Catholic.  It will only be in my mid-twenties that I will be able to truly reconcile my perfectly natural sexual desires with my desire to not burn in Hell for all eternity.


Trevor:  Me too!


Angela:  Trevor, I have something I need to ask you.


Trevor:  Yes?


Angela:  This is going to sound strange and maybe a little bit forward, but I’ve been meaning to ask you this all night.


The song is coming to an end.  Aerosmith is truly letting everyone know how horrible it would be to “miss a thing”.  Trevor’s eyes open wide, he smiles and prepares himself for the potentially wonderful question Angie is about to ask him.  He tries to hide his excitement.


Trevor:  Okay, sure.  What’s up?


Angela:  Can your mom give me a ride home?


Trevor:  I hate my life.



  1. […] different, but the concepts and literary devices within the article very much resemple the post An Honest Slow Dance.  The titel of this College Humor article is entitled “An Honest End of Summer […]

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