Posted by: robinsonwarner | July 25, 2008

Pierced Ears and a Ph.D.

I’m sure that every university/college experience is unique, but there are certain elements that are similar at every school.  I would imagine that most of you had an enjoyable time at parties, bars, meeting new people, new guys, new girls, and new pizza places.  These are things that college students and college graduates can universally reminisce about for years to come.  Many of these common elements rarely have anything to do with academics, exams, or time spent in class.  That is of course until there comes the time in every college student’s life when they have The Youngish, Cool Professor Who Made You Actually Like The Subject He Was Teaching.  Every school has at least one of these and this professor is universally loved and admired by his students.  There are several characteristics that are universal for this young, awesome professor.


  1. The Attire – This young professor wouldn’t look bad at all, but he might not dress up either.  He could be seen wearing a dress shirt with a jacket that has patches on the elbows.  He would also wear interesting shoes such as Doc Martens or maybe even boots.  His pants were often a little baggier than the older professors as well.  No matter the day though, this professor looked cool as hell.
  2. The Accessories – Dr. So and So would also have other cool features about him as well.  He might have earrings or black rimmed classes that made him look super smart.  This was the envy of many of the male students in the class who wished they could look as smart and cool as he did.
  3. The Stroll – This professor could not be seen walking around campus.  He was actually never seen walking around campus.  He could definitely be seen strolling around campus though.  The young professor walked the same way that Tim Robbins does as Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption.  He strolled around campus taking in the sights, making terribly smart observations to himself and taking general pleasure in his genius.  This professor wasn’t stuck up, but rather he had…
  4. The Confidence – The professor conducted himself in class with a superhuman level of confidence as a genius of his caliber should.  He would walk around the classroom gesturing with purpose while explaining Immanuel Kant’s Second Categorical Imperative.  He was able to deflect, explain and elaborate any question, especially from the obnoxious kid in the back row who took a summer class and thought he knew everything.  Cut it out, Mike.
  5. The Sense of Humor – You couldn’t quite classify his sense of humor as conventional, but good God was it hilarious.  It was the dry observations and subtle interjections into the lesson that made all the guys retell the jokes later and the girls talk about their crushes on him.  For example, the professor might be an ethics professor who is discussing the morality of sexual acts, “Some people believe in sex with one person, maybe twenty seven people.  Some people believe twenty seven is too much, maybe it’s just right.”  See, that isn’t funny to anyone but two of my friends that I took ethics with.  But we thought it was the funniest thing ever.  But the point is that every student who has had a professor like this has a similar story.
  6. The Legend – This might be specific only to my friends and me, but we made a list of ridiculous things that our professor’s genius was able to accomplish.  They are similar to the Chuck Norris list of facts.  Here is that list: 


(To protect the identity of this professor I will not use his real name)


  • Dr. Jones gets Connect Four in one move.
  • Dr. Jones’ earrings are made from Excalibur’s scabbard.
  • Charles Xavier is paralyzed from the waist down because he lost to Dr. Jones in chess.
  • The computer game “Myst” is based on a dream Dr. Jones had as a toddler
  • Dr. Jones made a fully functional computer out of Legos.
  • Dr. Jones plays golf with Socrates on the first of every month.
  • Dr. Jones is the only human to successfully train a cat to fetch.
  • Dr. Jones is the only person to have solved the Rubik’s Cube without touching it.
  • Dr. Jones wins American Idol every year.
  • Dr. Jones has a light saber… and is proficient in its use
  • Dr. Jones’ cat is a saber toothed tiger
  • Dr. Jones drives the car from Speed Racer.
  • Event Horizon is a movie based on Dr. Jones’ fifth grade science project.
  • Jurassic Park is a real place and it is Dr. Jones’ summer home.
  • Beer was a gift given to humanity by Dr. Jones.
  • Dr. Jones’ security system for his house is an army of Kantian robots.
  • Dr. Jones is the only person allowed to use middle fingers instead of X’s and O’s in Tic Tac toe.
  • Stephen Hawking is actually Dr. Jones’ pen name.


I would imagine that some of you probably don’t think these are funny.  But that’s the point.  Every person has their own experience with one of these professors who made class interesting, made you learn the material, and it made you like the material.  So thank you to all of the professors out there who fall into this category and have affected the lives of students all over the country.  I’m off to get my ears pierced and a Ph.D.





  1. cedric?

  2. totally

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