Posted by: robinsonwarner | August 23, 2008

Joe Biden Puts the Fear of God In Everyone

So it turns out that Barack Obama decided not to go with Yoda, Michael Phelps, Me, or Oprah.  Instead he seems to have picked someone much more horrifyingly tough.  I literally cannot wait to see Senator Joe Biden at the debates.  I think that he is one of those guys who is just old school.  And by “old school” I don’t mean he believes in hard work and hated Elvis Presley for his scandalous pelvis, but “old school” in the sense that if you fuck with him he will straight up challenge you to a duel on national television and kill you in cold blood if you try to pull any of that “liberals hate America” bullshit. 

I think that Biden should get a giant tattoo of a bald eagle holding two Smith and Wessen pistols tattooed on his back so if the neo-cons try any of this “wanting to bring troops out of Iraq means you hate America, the troops, and apple pie” bullshit, Biden can just rip off his shirt and show them his outlandish, but tastefully done tattoo on his back.  This will shame his opponent into weeping openly on national television. 

Also, if Obama-Biden wins, for every single appearance that Biden makes, he should really consider investing in a jet pack or at least a grappling hook for arriving and departing from speaking engagements.  How badass would it be to see Joe Biden walking towards the presidential limousine and then he nonchalantly pulls a grappling hook out of his breast pocket and latches onto the nearest tall building and just scales it in his three piece suit?  You know the ticket of Fartypants-Fartypants would definitely be incapable of doing that.

I personally think this is a wonderful choice for a running mate by Senator Obama.  What would really tie everything together though, if he wanted to showcase what a tough guy Joe Biden is, would be if when the two appeared together, Obama put one of those Hannibal Lecter masks on Biden and kept him handcuffed.  The Republicans would then think that Biden is just this totally crazy bad ass Democrat who will roundhouse kick you at the drop of a hat… that or eat your liver with some fava beans.

These are my recommendations.  If any of my readers have any other ideas on badass things that Joe Biden should do, please submit your comments.

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Responses

  1. Biden — the perfect foil for Palin!

  2. All i know is Biden needs a theme song a la WWF…think D-Generation X.

  3. haha, cioppa i totally agree. i think that it should just be stone cold steve austin’s music. with the broken glass in the beginning. that would be the way to go. that and more pyrotechnics all the time.


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