Posted by: robinsonwarner | January 21, 2009

The Day After – Republican Version

Its 9 a.m. in Washington D.C.  The sun is shining brightly on the brisk morning at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  President Barack Obama walks briskly out to his first press conference since being sworn in as the leader of the United States of America.  He steps up confidently to the podium and a collective gasp is heard rippling through the crowded room.

The President:  Good morning everyone.  I wanted to come out here and answer any questions you all had now that I am officially president.  I’ll be fielding questions for the next twenty minutes or so. Yeah, Jerry.  What’s up?

Jerry:  Jerry Price, MSNBC, President Obama, what are you wearing?

The President: Oh this?  This is traditional Muslim garb.  Yep.  I’m feeling nice and comfortable in this stuff.  You white folks got it all wrong with that shirt and tie business.  So stuffy.  Yeah, Jeanette?

Jeanette:  Jeanette Dempsey, Washington Post, President Obama, you seem to be yawning a lot up at the podium, tired from all the excitement and celebrating of last night?

The President:  Well actually, white devil, I’ve been up since sunrise.  I was praying towards Mecca this morning while you were still dreaming about supply side economics.  Yes, you over there?

Mark:  Mark Davidson, New York Times, what is that piece of paper you seem to be clutching there President Obama?

The President:  Funny you should ask Mark.  This piece of paper is actually my revised plans for taxation of the rest of the country.  You know how I originally said it was only going to be a three percent tax increase?  Well you basically got punked.  For pretty much the first time… well ever,  Fox News, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and yes, even that asshole with the creepy mustache were right.  I am a full blown communist.  As we speak members of the military are seizing factories and businesses across the country; everything should be fully nationalized by sometime around next Tuesday.  Yes, Sally?

Sally:  Sally Lu, Los Angeles Times, So President Obama what you’re saying is you’re now a Muslim who will be nationalizing all industries and also admitting that every single conservative pundit was right about you?

The President: Yes Sally.  And that’s not all.  I also don’t support the troops and want the war in Iraq to fail, miserably.  Because when it really comes down to it I actually hate freedom.  Plus Osama Bin Laden is my cousin.  I can’t believe you guys didn’t figure that one out! Oh man I was so nervous this whole time.  Whew!  No, but seriously I also just wanted to let everyone know that I really was trained at a terrorist camp in Indonesia when i went over there, don’t have an American birth certificate because I was actuallyborn in Kenya.  Oh and I also plan on applying for welfare as soon as possible so the government will jack my salary up a little bit more.  Boo ya.  Plus Puff Daddy is replacing Joe Biden as my Vice President.  This is “change” bitches!

The Press:  Fuck.

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Responses

  1. Both versions are heelarious! Thanks for the laugh this morning.


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