Posted by: robinsonwarner | October 12, 2009

The Other “F” Word

The dictionary defines the word “fine” as “excellent or admirable” or “of superior or best quality”.  It is a word used in everyday life to describe a choice, a preference, or to answer a question.  “Yes, that’s fine” is something you might hear regularly from an average person a daily basis.

The meaning of a word is always contextual.  Saying the word “stampede” holds more weight when you’re in the middle of the serengeti than when you’re talking about shopping on Black Friday, even though they’re close.

The word “fine” has a similar dynamic about it, and, as any sensible, moderately experienced male will tell you, that when a woman tells you things are “fine”, it is best to tread lightly.  Let’s take a look at a phrase used by a woman in talking to her boyfriend:

“Don’t worry babe, you should go out with your friends tonight.  It’s fine.”

I just became so scared from typing that phrase that I ran outside and apologized to the first female I encountered.  I informed her that  I would not be going out with my friends tonight and that I would, in fact, be staying in to watch Nights in Rodanthe with her instead.  Jehovah’s Witnesses are so understanding.

Here is the actual definitionadam-and-eve1 of the word when used by women:

fine (adj) – describes situation in which a man has failed to adequately read the mind of his significant other – used in conjunction with the word “it’s”.  Use of word may lead to decrease in sexual activity with increase in looks from female that can put a dent in the refrigerator.

synonyms – unacceptable, bad, not cool, disagreeable, your funeral, a good night to sleep on the couch

origin – The first documented use of the word “fine” was in the Book of Genesis when Eve spoke to Adam:

Eve:  Adam, I’m getting pretty hungry, can you walk to the date tree down by the stream of Infinite Happiness?

Adam:  Sweetheart, I was just there this morning.  Couldn’t you have told me you wanted dates then?  I have to work late tonight as is.  God wants names for all the animals by sunrise. 

Eve:  Oh, I see.  It’s fine (thunder claps and sway in wind). You just keep working hard. 

Adam:  Great.  Love you hun.

Eve:  Premature ejaculator.

Everyone knows what happens next.  Eve stomped upstairs and took a hot bath.  No, she didn’t.  But seriously,  Eve was really hungry and went to the tree closest to her hut:  The Tree of Good and Evil.

As you can see, this word is exceptionally powerful, and what is almost equally as powerful, is a man’s ignorance about it.  So, men, if you’re reading this, here are some signs to look for after the word is used and how you should react.

1.  Fine, followed by the end of the conversation and her exit– The woman has already made up her mind that she is going to mad at you.  You’re going to be paying the price regardless of your next move.  You might as well go and do whatever it is you wanted to do.  Don’t do this any more than once every four months though.

2.  Fine, hands on the hips – The woman is using body language to tell you that she’s waiting for you to say something or do something to convince her to not punish you severely.  There’s still hope.  What you need to do is… the exact opposite of what you were planning on doing.  Foot rubs also help.

3.  Fine, hands on hips, pout/look of dissatisfaction while looking off into distance, noticeable linger – You must not only do the exact opposite of what you want to do, but your will must bend to hers for no shorter than twenty four hours.  Suggested action:  seeing a romantic comedy, chocolate, foot rubs (see previous), not watching sports, actually putting toilet seat down, and talking about cats.

Good luck and God speed.

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Responses

  1. Whatever the word is that is better than “fine” – describes this post. Excellent writing.


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