Posted by: robinsonwarner | October 29, 2009


To my dear readers,

The third installment of Things That Go Drunk In The Night will not be posted today because I had to clean my house yesterday in preparation for the Halloween arrival of some of my best friends from Providence College.  I know I said it would be posted on Thursday and it won’t be.  This makes me a liar.  To make it up to you, here’s an embarrassing photo of me playing Xbox.


So this is a picture of me playing Xbox which is embarrassing unto itself.  However what is more embarrassing is that I am wearing what is known in videogame parlance as a “headset”.  The headset enables boys to talk to other boys who are playing the same videogame at the same time and strategize about the best way to kill things (zombies, aliens, Nazis).  The headset has a very funny effect as it creates the illusion that you can take yourself seriously at all.  Letting a girl see you wear a headset while playing videogames is a more powerful sexual deterrent than admitting you don’t watch “The Hills”.

What is even more embarrassing about the photograph is that I was using the headset so much that I broke it.  And I couldn’t very well stop playing videogames so I had to fashion a new headset by fixing the old one with a mandana.

The headset takes escapism to a new level that allows boys to feel like bad asses without ever leaving the couch.  Things become more unrealistic and therefore more enjoyable because it is amplified by the presence of other nerds doing the same thing.  This is called The Nerd Omnipresent Corollary as outlined in Newton’s How To Never See Boobies.

What is even more embarrassing is that I’m twenty-three years old. 

Happy Halloween!


  1. Dude. That mandanna kicks ass.

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